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You guys...I’m at it again...sometimes I have mad inventive schemes. This week’s is a fly catcher. Yes, a device to catch flies. No, I’m not nuts, stop looking at me like that. Pakistan has BILIONS of flies, and at least half of them like to congregate around my washing machine when I’m trying to do the laundry. It’s really gross, they buzz around in your face and fall into the laundry. I shake out pants and somehow there are dead (but very clean) flies in them.

I remember in the states, at the Lincoln Park Zoo, there was a fly-trap, it looked like a bottle hanging upside down. The entrance was funnel-shaped, and there was something (presumably) sweet and very appealing to flies inside the bottle. The flies would meander down the funnel-shaped entrance, just big enough for them to squeeze through at the end, and then get trapped in the bottle because...well...flies aren’t the brightest crayons in the box, ok?

Since spring is here (and the flies that died with the winter cold have now been reincarnated...as flies again) I’ve been suggesting the idea to my mom and sis, and they both just gave me a look, with one eyebrow raised and the faintest smile playing about their lips, and said, “Un-hunh you do that, ok?”

Being thus discouraged (and slightly ridiculed), I was ready to give up on the idea until I sheepishly told one of my friends about it, (Hi Maria!) and she thought it was a great idea. She hates flies and so wished me good luck. So I took a one-liter pop bottle and poured old jelly and rose essence and a little pop inside, and shook the bottle so the walls were coated in the gooey and fragrant slime. Then I taped a long funnel into the mouth of the bottle, and I’ve hung it upside down right above the washing machine.

Now this is the moment we’ve all been waiting for...are there any flies trapped inside...(runs up the window to spy on flies, emphatically denies charges of mental instability)...ONE FLY!!!! Mwahahaa!!!! There is one fly in my fly trap! Oh Joy! Do you realize what this means? Based on the appalling rate at which flies reproduce, there are now roughly one thousand less flies in the world.

:::a contented sigh::: Well I think that makes my work a success. I’m ready to patent it now...fame and fortune, here I come! And maybe when I get rich enough from this invention, I’ll buy a bigger house and move the washer/dryer inside. Which reminds me of a line from one of my old textbooks. It was a chapter explaining facetious tactics in logic and argument. It was pointing out the error of the ‘bandwagon approach,’ where you argue that your point is right based solely on the fact that many other people agree with you. For example: The theory of evolution must be correct because so many scientists believe in it. The book’s example was:

::drum roll please:::

Seven billion flies can’t be wrong. Eat garbage.

And on a much more sensible note, today’s Islamic quote is: “Modesty and faith are constant companions. When one of them is raised up, the other is also raised.” -Prophet Muhammad, (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), reported by Ibn Omar.

posted by Abez @ 4/06/2003 08:12:00 PM