Not a real post, but I couldn't resist...

Things you would never know without the movies.

- During all police investigations, it will be necessary to
visit a strip club at least once.

- When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to
each other.

- If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a
passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of year.

- All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to
the armpit level on a woman but only to the waist level on the
man lying beside her.

- The Chief of Police will almost always suspend his star
detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.

- All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.

- It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is
someone to talk you down.

- The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding
place - noone will ever think of looking for you in there and
you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

- Police departments give their officers personality tests to
make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is
their polar opposite.

- The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

- All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large
red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off.

- If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more
ammunition, even if you haven't been carrying any before now.

- You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless
you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your
sweetheart back home.

- Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it
will not be necessary to speak the language - a German accent
will do.

- If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or
killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist
trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.

- A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious
beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

- When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take
out a bill; just grab one at random and hand it over. It will
always be the exact fare.

- Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at
night, you should open the fridge door and use that light
instead.

- If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any
strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

- Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their
family every morning even though their husband and children
never have time to eat it.

- Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

- All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

- A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size
of RFK stadium.

- Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

- Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and
pant.

- It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or
ending phone conversations.

- Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is
necessary to turn the wheel vigorously from left to right every
few moments.

- It is always possible to park directly outside the building
you are visiting.

- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended
from duty.

- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
involving martial arts - your enemies will patiently attack you
one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you
have knocked out their predecessors.

- When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head,
they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

- No-one ever involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion,
volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

- Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba
diving.

- You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

- Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in
seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a
child trapped inside.

- Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects
you personally at the precise moment that it is aired.

posted by Abez @ 9/25/2004 03:36:00 AM