AbezAbez Is... 50% White, 50 % Pakistani, Muslim Hijab-wearing type female, Daughter of Momma, Sister of Owlie Wife of HF, Momma of Khalid, a special little boy with Autism, and Iman, a special little girl with especially big hair, Writer, Graphic Designer, Editor, Freelancer, Blogger, Inhaler of Chocolate
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Prometheus, who buts brains to blog about Autism

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Saturday, February 10, 2007

The Bebefiles: Crying it out- Part II

Yesterday, after Khalid's hour and five minute crying jag, he once again slept for five hours. Five lovely, uninterrupted hours, Alhamdulillah. It's 10:40 right now, and he's been crying since ten o'clock. He's definitely winding down, and I peeked in on him a second ago- he's laying face down on the bed, he raises his head to cry, gets tired and rests it for a few seconds. Then he raises it to cry again. I don't know if he'll beat yesterday's time, and I don't know if any progress is being made. This is only the second night anyway, so looking for progress right now is a little early I think.

If anything though, I at least don't feel like I'm dying of guilt pangs. Yesterday was hard, and I felt horrible, but it yielded very real and very encouraging results. Oh wait, he's gone quiet...

No, he started again. But the pauses between crying spurts are getting longer and the cries are getting softer and more tired-sounding.

But like I was saying, having done this once yesterday and seen really encouraging results, I don't feel so bad and it's not as hard for me today as it was yesterday. My child is sobbing his little eyes pink, and I'm ok. Does this make me a bad mother? I hope not, I would like to believe not. He's not in pain. He laying in a bed, he's fussing himself to sleep. He's fine.

I've already gone and spent a long time in the shower (with Owlie listening out for me) but I ran out of hot water after ten minutes so I'm back out again. Khalid's been crying for 45 minutes and I suppose we've got another fifteen to go.

10:50- I tell you, this kid could do commercials for energizer.

11:20- The good news is that Khalid is asleep- the bad news is- I caved. At eleven I went to check on him, and found that he had wiggled past the fortress of pillows and bolsters I had surrounded him with and was lying face-down on the cold, hard, floor- crying. (his mattress is on the floor anyway, so it's only a two-inch roll down, not a fall, Alhamdulillah) But I couldn't help it. I picked him up and he sighed and shuddered and clung to me. I nursed him to sleep.

I'm sorry and did, and yet I'm not. I feel torn between wanting to do things right and wanting to do right by my son. Why isn't there a way of putting him to sleep that doesn't involve making both of us miserable for upwards of an hour? I keep wanting to apologize to him, I feel like this is somehow my fault.

Well, 11:20 is his sleep time, let's see how many hours he sleeps. I know he's utterly exhausted, chances are he'll sleep five hours any.

I feel selfish for putting Khalid through this, and I feel discouraged. :(

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6 Comments:

At 11/2/07 3:13 AM, Blogger Saira said...

"I tell you, this kid could do commercials for energizer"

XD

 
At 11/2/07 5:55 AM, Blogger Carol said...

Tuff it out, Sweetie, but my heart feels for you. Do the right thing, always do the right thing even though it is tough.
Hopefully you will see some progress soon.

 
At 11/2/07 10:50 AM, Blogger Mona said...

hang in there babe. and you're not a bad mother, no wayy. you're so good with khalid, mA!
i'm praying that it gets easier for you iA, and soon. may Khalid take only these two days to learn.

 
At 11/2/07 7:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought this might help put it in perspective:

http://www.awareparenting.com/comfort.htm

do the right thing as a mother and your gut instinct never lies.

 
At 11/2/07 8:59 PM, Anonymous Taubah said...

Bismillah

Assalaamu'alaikum,

Hey, keep ya head up! This is really just the first round. It happens, guilt sadness. Trust me. Even if Khalid didn't fall to the floor you might have cracked. But you're only human. And so is Khalid. He still understands what is going on. You didn't CAVE the way you think you did. It takes time. And now that he is older he is stronger and has stronger will. If he was like six months it would not be AS difficult .... maybe.... LOL but he is older so there fore it is going to take a lot more. WHY? Because it is a battle. A battle of wills.


From your perspective the whole thing is hurting your poor baby. He is crying because he is sad, he wants you he doesn't understand why you are doing this to him. And then when he can't cry anymore he falls asleep.

From his perspective. It's

Mommies trying to get tough. I'll show her. I'll cry and cry and cry and put on my sad baby face so mommy feels bad and comes in and gets me.

The longer it goes that Khalid has to cry he is coming to terms that he can not manipulate you anymore. I know it's hard to believe. But it is true. And the older he gets the better he gets at it. And now because he is older he has a stronger will.

You just have to let him know who the parent is and who the child is.

Kids are manipulative, they can be. Not because they are evil but because we let them. And the more we let them the more they know how to play us and get away with what ever they can. If you don't stop it now, it's going to get worse and when he can walk around and slam doors or get up fifteen times to sleep in mommies and daddies bed and take up all the room. Then it's going to be A LOT harder to keep him in bed... I tell you, do it now.

If you give in a few times, it's ok, it is a learning process for the both of you. But you know you are not leaving him in bad hands. Allah is with him, Allah will take care of him. And if there is something truly wrong with Khalid Allah will let you know. He keeps mothers informed about these types of things. You know when you get that feeling that something is wrong. Don't ignore it just peep in and check. But go back out.

When you feel that you can no longer take it, say Bismillah, recite some Surah's bring Allah around closer and ask Him for help.. Trust me your gonna be doing that a lot during the life of your children LOL.

 
At 12/2/07 4:03 PM, Blogger Aysh said...

Assalamlaikum Abez,

AWW.... I feel for you Abez. But... MashaAllah you are doing well... and you know it deep down too. Hey... you have a mother's heart and it is just natural for you to be that way. Anyway, my duas with you and your bebe...

Wassalam,
Aysh

 

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