AbezAbez Is... 50% White, 50 % Pakistani, Muslim Hijab-wearing type female, Daughter of Momma, Sister of Owlie Wife of HF, Momma of Khalid, a special little boy with Autism, and Iman, a special little girl with especially big hair, Writer, Graphic Designer, Editor, Freelancer, Blogger, Inhaler of Chocolate
Right Brain Left Brain Islam poetry
Mortal Wounds BebeFiles Husbandfiles

 
My sister, De Owl

My Husband, who never updates!

Mona, who I don't visit enough

Hemlock, who I don't hug enough

Baji, the orginal robot monkey pirate

Prometheus, who buts brains to blog about Autism

Socrates, a blogger with Asperger's

Jo, a funnier Autism mom with a great blog

Autism Watch-  for logic-based information

ASAT- Assosciation for Science in Autism Treatments

Quack Watch- for current news and info on all sort of medical treatments

Expat Women Blog Directory

My Cousin- really, he's my cousin.  Wish he would update more.

 
 
 
 

Saturday, February 03, 2007

In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight

Bebeface is sleeping, shh! type quietly!

My lil Brother emailed me about a month ago, and since he's not the communicative type, it was one of only a handful of emails he's sent me in the last six months. I would love to reply, but so far I haven't been able to. I've sat down several times and stared blankly at a gmail draft. The delay isn't Khalid's fault, it's actually my Brother's. He had to go and ask me a hard question- he had to ask me what my goals were.

I'm sure I used to have goals. I vaguely remember wanting to finish a book of poetry by the age of 25. I've moved it up to 30, and am hoping that the next three years are extra-inspirational.

I wanted to weigh 125 pounds once upon a time. Har. Dee. Har. My mother's family is primarily composed of hard working, hard farming people of big bones and German descent, so when we say we's big-boneded, we mean it. We's big boneded. I've moved my goals from numerical weight to physical fitness instead, but even those have slipped so far that if I manage to work out three times a week I'm going to buy myself a trophy.

I wanted to learn Arabic, but I find that here, living in the Middle East, I can't afford classes. Once upon a time in Pakiland, we could afford Arabic lessons from a nice teacher who came to the house five times a week to suffer through grammar with Owlie and I. Things in the UAE are much more expensive than they are in Pakistan, especially education, so the idea of getting a private tutor is no longer feasible, and the possibility of attending classes with Bebeface is impractical. (Alif, Ba, Bababababbbbbbbpppprttt Waaaannnh!)

I do have some goals left, but they've mellowed out lately, are instead of being clearly-defined targets set to be achieved within a given time frame, they're more like 'things I wanna do, InshaAllah.' I want to pray with concentration, and this is an ongoing battle. I'll probably be fighting it for the rest of my life, but it's one worth fighting, so bring it on, baybee.

I want to read the Tafsir of Ibn Kathir, InshaAllah. HF bought me the entire set for Eid (yay! I *heart* HF!) and I started, Alhamdulillah, and I will continue, InshaAllah.

I want to get back to my pre-baby weight, InshaAllah, and be able to do 20 push-ups. Lately I've started being more of a Captain and less of a wicked monkey, so I've lost another two pounds and the morale boost feels fantastic.

Sadly, above all things- I want to sleep at night. Bebeface is, MashaAllah, exceptional in many ways, not excluding his exceptionally bad sleeping habits. By his age, most children have been sleeping through the night for a few months already. He's ten months old, MashaAllah, but if he wakes up four times in the night I consider it a Very Good Night. Other not-so-good nights involve waking up every forty minutes to rock Khalid back to sleep, slump miserably back into bed, and then get up in another forty minutes to do it again, my back aching, my eyes burning, my head spinning from sleep deprivation and the in-again, out-again, up and down of popping in and out of bed all night long without anything more restful than a series of cat naps. I just want to sleep. It feels like months since I've dreamed.

So yeah, I do have goals, it's just that I don't think they're the sort my Lil Brother was asking about.

Once, I wanted to be a doctor.

Now, I just want to be myself again.

6 Comments:

At 3/2/07 12:08 PM, Blogger hemlock said...

how can you say you arent yourself? the yourself you are talking about was pre bebe, pre HF, when you lived in yo momma's house, and could jump around as you pleased.
with a different hand of cards, maybe you otta redefine you can be?

 
At 3/2/07 12:09 PM, Blogger DeOwl said...

Whatever you are, I likee. *hugs*

 
At 3/2/07 6:22 PM, Blogger Saira said...

awimbawe awimbawe awimbawe awimbawe

I think you're blessed that you're the kinda person who makes goals out of small things as well as big - you're always endeavouring for improvement. You're character seems as important to you as any other achievement.

I would take that as a good thing.

 
At 4/2/07 10:05 AM, Blogger Mona said...

hey, atleast you have some goals! i don't!
and inshAllah soon, Khalid will start sleeping through the night. Last night around 3 am, some child was howling away, and his brilliant mother wanted to share the joy so she brought him out to the balcony, and woke the entire neighborhood up. i know it's not her fault and all that, but i'm tired and sleepy this morning. grr.
i'm praying so hard that my baby's a marathon sleeper like hubby and i.
:)

 
At 5/2/07 4:34 PM, Blogger DeOwl said...

Anyways I can call you Doctor if it makes you feel better.

 
At 5/2/07 5:38 PM, Anonymous Taubah said...

Salaams,

Girl Khalid wakes up that much in the night at ten months. Does he nurse that often? If he isn't hungry which he probably isn't he is just playing you. Babies do that you know.

Why don't you try letting him cry himself back to sleep? Trust me it works and allows for them to be able to comfort themselves. It's only going to continue driving you crazy, if you don't make him sleep through the night most likely he will not. Allahu'Alum.

Most babies start testing mom at around 4 months. By six months it is recommended to let them cry in the middle of the night unless you know they are hungry or wet. But if they aren't he'll be fine.

Anyway, you probably know all this, I'm just being two baby happy with advice. So just ignore it if you know, we mommies gotta stick together against the enemies LOL

On the note of the goals...

Khalid is only ten months, I know it might feel like it's been a few years but trust me your self will return.

You will find yourself to be more mature, more patient and Insha'Allah more optimistic of your accomplishments and goals. You will be able to have that time to think again, and also be able to set real, clear and achievable goals.

As of now though let your goal be being a good and loving mother to that baby. In time, which is really not that far away, you will be able to recognize yourself more and more. .... Until you have another baby LOL.

Oh yeah, they say it takes at least a year for a mother to return back to her pre-pregnancy weight. All the changes your body went through took about a year ... to reverse the process will be the same time or longer. It's not you.

so smile.

 

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