AbezAbez Is... 50% White, 50 % Pakistani, Muslim Hijab-wearing type female, Daughter of Momma, Sister of Owlie Wife of HF, Momma of Khalid, a special little boy with Autism, and Iman, a special little girl with especially big hair, Writer, Graphic Designer, Editor, Freelancer, Blogger, Inhaler of Chocolate
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Prometheus, who buts brains to blog about Autism

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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

The Bebefiles: Crying it Out Part IV

Well, last night was a mixture of both failure and success- Khalid cried for over an hour, and when I went to check on him (as I had been doing every fifteen minutes or so) I found him lying on the floor again- hands cold, feet cold, face cold, shuddering and whimpering. So I threw in the towel, wrapped him up and nursed him to sleep.

Then I emailed HF (who is on a business trip, for those of you who asked in last entry's comments) and told him I was giving up and I feel miserable. Then I went to bed. And Khalid slept for 7 hours. Again, I woke up before he did, and was so surprised at the time- 6:30 am, that I had to go check on him. My sleepy brain was terrified and sure that he was dead. I know that sounds horrible and morbid, but I was on the verge of crying when I knelt down to see if he was still breathing. Which, Alhamdulillah, he still was, and I think my sleeping brain is nuts.

I don't know what I'm doing tonight. These past four nights, Khalid has slept for long and longer stretches, Alhamdulillah, but I've only managed to stick the crying out twice. Twice I've caved, twice I've stayed firm. One of the times I caved he only slept for two hours, the second time (last night) he slept for seven. I'm not sure what it is about crying it out that makes him sleep better- is it the exhaustion of bawling for an hour? If so, then how come on night two, when I let him bawl for an hour before rescuing him, he only slept for two hours? And then on night three, he only cried for 45 minutes but he slept for five hours.

I'm not sure what to make of things, and tonight will be night five, InshaAllah. Tonight may also be back at home, where I can put Khalid in his crib and not have to worry about him ending up on the floor. He does wiggle about and get his feet stuck in the bars, but that's pretty minor. I think if I put some rolled blankets on the side it'll minimize his wiggling and protect him from getting stuck as well InshaAllah.

HF will be back tomorrow InshaAllah, and that's such a relief for me. Him being on a business trip is always lonely, but this time has been especially hard w/the tension of the nightly crying game. It's amazing how love takes two perfectly sane, perfectly independent people and then fuses them into one entity that spends time apart yearning for the other half. Next time HF goes on a business trip, Bebeface and I are crawling into his suitcase.

I'm confused.


At 13/2/07 6:07 PM, Anonymous taubah said...

How are you getting Khalid to sleep at night? Are putting him to bed at the same time every night? Does he have a bedtime? Are you using the same routine to put him to sleep?

If not, it might help to set a time that he has to be in bed every night. Give him a nice worm bath and lotion him down with a nice massage. Put his jammies on LOL and read him a nice story. Nurse him until he is satisfied all the while reciting the four Qul Surahs. and right before he drifts off in your arms lay him down in his crib and kiss his little face. Tell him night night and that you'll see him in the morning. Walk out the door and let him sleep.

Now you have to make sure that you do this every night, same time, same routine.

Babies are creatures of habit. The more he feels he knows what is going on the better result he may give.

The fact that he is sleeping different every night. Four hours, seven hours, takes 45 mints to fall asleep and sometimes only sleeps for two hours. Well, that is just him trying to get a feel of things. Don't expect him to sleep for the same amount of time every night just yet. And sometimes he will feel stronger willed than others to cry longer. Some times he just wants to give up and sleep. Just make sure YOU are consistent. It will confuse him and make this an Unduly long process.

What you need to do in my opinion, is choose a course of action and stick to it. You can't go back and forth and expect him to stay consistent. He needs that from you. Not just with sleeping habits but with all aspects of his life really.

So make your decision before tonight, or as soon as possible.

Do you want to sleep with your husband at night together, be able to have time where Khalid is in his room asleep and relatively gone for the night where you can do whatever you want until morning. It will take some time, and be a little hard, but it is worth it.


Make it that Khalid has no bed time he sleeps whenever he wants, no schedule. You are tied down to him until he chooses. When he gets older, he will probably want to sleep in your bed and you will have to share your time with your husband with him and so forth. This will go on until you put your foot down. But if you like this then by all means...

This second course of action will allow the child to be the parent. He will make the rules, he will basically have the upper hand.... Choose what you want. Pray about it, think about it. think about it, talk it over. What do you want, make a note of it, WRITE IT DOWN even. Make the decision and STICK to it. Do not waver. And with a little prayer and a lot of work... It should be done Insha'Allah.. Trust me, if you can do this girl it will help you do a lot of things in the future with you children such as setting rules, having order. This is like... the first step. I'll be praying for you.

At 14/2/07 2:04 PM, Blogger Mona said...

aww, z. that must have been hard. i'm sorry that it's taking this long. bas, inshAllah, it will get easier. i will make many more du'as for you.
maybe it's also been harder for him because it hasn't been his crib for the last few days. may Allah make this easy for you, ameen.
and i know about this silly love thing :( yesterday zman was working until 4 AM and i could not sleep - as a result i'm not at work today :) but you know?
love & du'as!

At 15/2/07 10:20 PM, Blogger baj said...

please, khalid, show some mercy! it ain't easy being a parent. tp and i are having the same issues with zp - half of the time it works and he sleeps in his own crib in his own room from 9pm to 4am. the other half? not so much. the routine does help a lot though b/c by the time the bath, book, and bottle are complete, he's rubbing his eyes and ready for sleep. we haven't quite gotten the hang of crying it out for more than 5 minutes, but our will is not as strong as yours. :) keep it up, sensai!


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