AbezAbez Is... 50% White, 50 % Pakistani, Muslim Hijab-wearing type female, Daughter of Momma, Sister of Owlie Wife of HF, Momma of Khalid, a special little boy with Autism, and Iman, a special little girl with especially big hair, Writer, Graphic Designer, Editor, Freelancer, Blogger, Inhaler of Chocolate
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Saturday, February 17, 2007

The Bebefiles: Crying it Out- Success and the Lack Thereof

Well, the past three days have been hectic. Picking up where we left off-

Night Before HF gets here- Bebeface cries it out for an hour and forty minutes, only to wake up two hours later and then be up and down all night as usual. That is very discouraging.

Night HF gets home- Bebeface cries for an hour and a half before I go in to rescue him from him own stubborness- it's midnight, HF and I are both tired and he's just gotten back from a business trip. I nurse him to sleep, hoping that crying for so long has at least drained his batteries a bit. He sleeps for an hour as usual, and wakes up about six times during the night.

Yesterday Night- I am swamped with two separated freelancing tasks with seriously short deadlines- I put Bebeface down to cry it out for the night, and after an hour of listening to him scream and get not quieter, but louder, I am not able to concentrate at all on my work. I go in to nurse him to sleep. He nurses, and then is up and ready for action until 1:30 am.

Yesterday Night- I do nothing related to crying- I happen to be in the shower when I notice that Bebeface, who HF had been rocking and singing to (I love you HF!) had gone quiet and fallen asleep. And there is much rejoicing. (He wakes up ever hour or so all night. This is usual.)

This evening- Hoping for similar success, I feed, pajama, and soothe Khalid before passing him to HF for a rocking to sleep. Bebeface stubbornly resists. HF passes him back to me after about half an hour, and I nurse Khalid to sleep.

He's asleep now, my little bundle of impossibility. I must clarify- the bedtime routine of a nice bath and a feed and a kiss and a song- I've been doing that for about a week and a half now, and if the purpose of it is to make Khalid rub his eyes with sleep, then it accomplishes its goal. But then, since Khalid wakes up every morning at 9:30 by the latest, regardless of what time he's gone to sleep, getting him to rub his eyes and yank his ears and pull his hair from tiredness has never been a problem. It's getting him to close his little eyes that we seem to be doing so badly with.

So now what?

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8 Comments:

At 18/2/07 12:18 AM, Anonymous Taubah said...

The routen is not simply for him to get tired, it's for him to know what is going to happen next. see when he gets use to going to sleep and sleeping through the night, the routin is what he will look foward to. And he gets mentally prepared for going to sleep. Instead of at 8:30pm you get up and plop him into bed does this gives him no heads up. No preparation see what I mean?

You do the routin and then put him in the bed at night to sleep, leave him. He cries for an hour and a half or however long. You go in rub his head and say "it's ok my sweet little Khalid" and tell him to go head to sleep. You leave him he cries for another hour or how ever long. When you feel you can't take it, can't have him cry any longer, don't pick him up. Comfort him with your words tell him love you, sing a lullaby what ever. But don't stay in there too long. And don't make your voice sound sad, or sorry for 'hurting him' make him believe that this is just something normal. Not a big deal. Leave again. Do this until he falls asleep on his own.

Just don't pick him up Or HE'S GOT YOU

 
At 18/2/07 10:29 AM, Blogger Mona said...

oh Abez! this must so tough on you. hang in there, iA, things will get better soon.
*hugs*

 
At 18/2/07 5:46 PM, Blogger DeOwl said...

Make sure you manufacture the next one with an off button.

 
At 19/2/07 6:23 AM, Blogger Ol' Baby said...

HAHAA I like deowl's suggestion

 
At 19/2/07 6:51 AM, Blogger Carol said...

Oh, man!! That kid is tough, but you gotta be tougher. I ditto the advice above. It's sound advice, but you gotta tough it out, Sweetie.

 
At 19/2/07 9:49 PM, Anonymous aoife said...

i usually just lurk, so I apologize for butting in... but, having said that, have you checked out bebeface for reflux or other intestinal gripes? This is happening to a good friend of mine whose baby is now almost 6 months old and sleeps like a newborn -- sleep for a hour, wake up crying, sleep for an hour, wake up crying... she's climbing the walls right now because she is so frustrated... Also, you could check to see if he has any food allergies... whatever you eat, he eats through the milk.

I hope maybe that helps...

Also, some other things you could check out are Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution... i have heard good things about it. Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp may be good too... your baby is sort of inbetween stages for his Happiest Baby book (I lived by the Grace of God and the Happiest Baby book through my son's early infancy).

insha'allah, a solution will come, if not from me, then someone.

 
At 20/2/07 3:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Assalaamu Alaykum,

I, too, am just a lurker, but was reading something that might be of help to you.

I will just type up an excerpt of the article which might apply to your and Khalid's situation:

*Warning: Long comment ahead. Read with caution*

"The get-with-the-program approach

So you want faster results? You may be ready to try a strategy commonly known as 'Ferberizing,' popularized by the pediatrician Richard Ferber in his book, Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems. If you've heard the term 'crying it out', this is likely the method being referred to. Ferberizing has gotten a bad rap in some camps because it involves crying, but it can and should be done sensitively, as Dr. Ferber himself clarifies in the updated edition. (He also notes this is not a good method for very sensitive babies.)

.....

Begin with a drowsy tuck-in. If your baby isn't used to being deposited in his crib awake, he will likely protest. Respond by reassuring him with a soft voice and rubbing his belly, but explain that it's bedtime and you're going. Leave the room for a brief period - about five minutes - then return to console him and rub his belly if he's still upset (don't take him out of the crib though). Then leave again. Repeat this pattern until your baby falls asleep, and do so again if he wakes during the night. Each consecutive night, lengthen the time you let him fuss by a few more minutes, until your reassurance is no longer necessary.

This process can last a few days or a few weeks. 'Some babies may fuss a little as they settle in, then go to sleep easily. Others will wail,' says Bennett. A baby who's usually a good sleeper but whose routine has been disrupted - because of a vacation, an illness, or even a new developmental leap - may get with the program within a night or two. If your baby is crying for hours, or throwing up because he's so upset, you may need to try another method.

Whatever bedtime style you use, keep some positive affirmations in your head as you put into practice, suggests Bennett: 'You're not being selfish; you don't need to suffer; you need to fill your pitcher back up to be a good mother.' The main goal is helping your baby to develop healthy sleep habits in the long run. That may mean soothing your baby longer than expected, but it will be worth it - studies show that kids who get a good night's sleep tend to be in a better mood and better behaved during the day. The same can probably be said of their moms."

Phew. With that all typed up and said, it seems that you are willing to let him cry it out to go to sleep. However, perhaps you can try starting off slowly, five minutes at a time and working your way up, so that he doesn't notice the transition as much. It might take a while longer, but at least he knows that you will still be there to console him instead of him perhaps feeling that he's all by himself and you aren't going to soothe him. Just thought you might be interested in this. Apologies for the really long comment. I pray that you and Khalid overcome this rocky step quickly and with as less tears as possible....for you and him, Insha’Allah.

Wassalaam.

 
At 20/2/07 11:41 AM, Blogger Abez said...

JazakAllahuKhair for all the advice you guys, I really appreicate it. last few nights I've just been nursing Khalid to sleep as usual because crying it out didn't seem to be working. I think I'll give the ferber thing a try, although it does say that if your baby is crying for hours (or if he cries so much he vomits- which Khalid has done) then you might want to try another method- but which one?

 

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