AbezAbez Is... 50% White, 50 % Pakistani, Muslim Hijab-wearing type female, Daughter of Momma, Sister of Owlie Wife of HF, Momma of Khalid, a special little boy with Autism, and Iman, a special little girl with especially big hair, Writer, Graphic Designer, Editor, Freelancer, Blogger, Inhaler of Chocolate
Right Brain Left Brain Islam poetry
Mortal Wounds BebeFiles Husbandfiles

 
My sister, De Owl

My Husband, who never updates!

Mona, who I don't visit enough

Hemlock, who I don't hug enough

Baji, the orginal robot monkey pirate

Prometheus, who buts brains to blog about Autism

Socrates, a blogger with Asperger's

Jo, a funnier Autism mom with a great blog

Autism Watch-  for logic-based information

ASAT- Assosciation for Science in Autism Treatments

Quack Watch- for current news and info on all sort of medical treatments

Expat Women Blog Directory

My Cousin- really, he's my cousin.  Wish he would update more.

 
 
 
 

Friday, July 24, 2009

My blog needs an update

Design and structure-wise, I mean. To replace the links I no longer have time to visit (sorry Blogistan!) with links I visit constantly- places like Autism-watch.org, the Assosciation for Science in Autism, Photon in the Darkness Blog- and a slew of blogs written by/for/about Autistics and Autism. It's a natural shift for me to make, but one that seems odd nonetheless. When I started blogging.. ohh...six years ago- wait, has it really been six years?

*checks archive*

Yep, it's been six years. And four months. My blog is older than both of my children, as well as my marriage. Ha!

When I started blogging six years ago, I was a single, carefree, English-Accent teaching expat living in Pakistan with my parents, Owlie, and our little brother. I drove a mini-car named the Silver Bullet and went to the National Stadium Pool to swim laps, socialized all over town with my girlfriends and blogged about religion, life, and whatever sort of nonsense was Soup Du Jour. I wrote poetry and short fiction, played Playstation 2 until my eyeballs turned to glue, and baked compulsively.

Fast forward six years, and I'm a (very, very) happily married special needs momma with one Autistic boy and one neurotypical Babysaurus Rex.

(Iman is lately into biting. And slapping. And pulling hair. And screaming bloody murder when she's put into time out)

We see three ABA therapists, one OT, and almost no one socially. Phone calls with friends (if ever) tend to be about kids, fianance, real-estate, family, and very often, Autism. I've written no short stories, and only a handful of short poems, and even these were before Khalid was born. I wear comfortable sneakers because frilly shoes do not make good kid-chasing gear. I wear stain-resistant, highly patterened clothes and have invested in not one, but three pairs of sunglasses just this year, as both Khalid and Iman are equally bent on, well, bending them.

I don't think I am who I used to be.

I would like to belive that I am better, but I think the most honest thing that I can say is that I am different. Comparing Single Abez to Momma Abez is a bit like comparing apples to oranges, except that this apple slowly started changing color and rounding out and woke up one day and said Hey, am I really an orange?

I know I am more patient, but I also know that there are days and times when I desperately need time off, and I leave both kids at home with Cindy and HF or my parents (when and if they are in town) and escape to a coffee shop or mall. I'm not a big fan of malls, it's just that here in the UAE in the summer, the mall is the closest thing to a community space that doesn't resemble a convection oven. I think it's 108F today. Not bad. Two days ago it was 114. The hotest I can remember has been 116.

But yeah. I think I'm an orange now. Sometimes I miss being an apple- reading books all night and sleeping until noon the next day, having the time/brain power to write, the energy to bake, and the fitness of a person with the time to excercise and lift weights. But if being an apple again meant losing the entourage that has turned me into an orange- my HusbandFriend, Khalid, Iman- then I wouldn't trade any of it. There are times when I can't take my children for another second, but I can't imagine life without them. And being a very complex kind of orange, I then ruin my time-off with overwhelming maternal guilt that causes me to sit in the coffee shop and sulk, and call home and complain to HF that I don't know what I do when I'm not being Momma.
*shrug*

If anyone needs me I'll be in the produce aisle. Next to the lemons.

11 Comments:

At 30/7/09 12:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have been following your blog for some time now and I enjoy them so much that I went all the way back to your Xanga days. I hope that doesn't scare you. I am not a perverted psycho stalker but I did find great inspiration/enjoyment in your writings and the transformation you went through in life (gosh I might have a crush on you, ahem, damn YOU HF, "brandishing my closed fist at him"). My favorite item of yours was the poem you wrote "There". One of the most beautiful things I have read EVAH. I hope you will one day get to publishing the book of poems you talked about. As a request from an earnest fan, PLEASE do not stop writing your blog. Also, from your writings I know you have been through rough patches before and the current one must be the biggest but I am sure it will pass too as before, AMEEN.
p.s. bring back LB/RB, we miss those two.
p.s.2 fix the poems link, idjit!

 
At 2/8/09 10:10 AM, Blogger Abez said...

Aw, I'm not weirded out, and I don't think you're a pervert, lol. But no one is allowed to brandish anything at HF except for me, I'm very possessive about my husband. Only *I* get to threaten him with bodily harm! :p

JazakAllahuKheiran for your kind words- and for letting me know that the poems link doesn't work. I'll update it, since I really do need to fix/redo/overhaul my blog again.

I've thought about doing RB/LB many times, but being where I am in life (AllahuAalim) my mental debates don't seem quite so funny. If I've got cognitive dissonance to resolve, it's generally about some form of treatment for Khalid, or the Islamic validity or lack thereof of something I'm either doing or am supposed to be doing. If it makes you happy though, I can try to mortally wound myself for old time's sake? :D

btw, are you Fariah too? Or is this a different Anonymous?

(And that, dear Anonymous's is why one should get a blogger login!)

 
At 2/8/09 9:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

since I told you that I have a crush on you and you think I might be Fariah, does that mean Fariah is a lesbo? OR there is a guy out there with a very girly name?
One thing I forgot to mention last comment was that if you are looking for things to do away from the kids, poetry is the way to go. You should REALLY think about writing some more. Your Rubaiyats are gems, MASHALLAH! And how about you mortally wound your husband instead of yourself, since I am not allowed to :)
Don't worry about NOT being funny, we will be the judge of that. SO, WE WANT OUR LB/RB!
Meh, don't want to sign on to another website, I will just sign out with "weirdo" to differentiate myself from other anonymouses

-weirdo.

 
At 3/8/09 5:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OM MY GOD ..no no plz Fariah is definatly not a Lesbo .. **ouch*** and is very much a normal girl!
i should have stayed anonymous. *sob* sigh fisrt day on bloger land and i have been publicly declaired a lesbo...
anyway abez if i leave any comment i will definatly sign my name under it.. lol
Fariah

 
At 3/8/09 9:05 AM, Blogger Mona said...

aw, i so identified with this post. i'm the exact same - i get z to take noo out and then i have no clue what to do with myself. sigh.
we should make a pact to call each other and no talking about the aforementioned things - just frivolous stuff.

 
At 3/8/09 11:58 PM, Blogger Abez said...

Sorry about the confusion, Fariah and Brother Weirdo, lol. I'll sort my layout out soon, I just was in the hospital w/food poisoning today, which kinda takes the steam out of one's html abilities.

pffffffffft

Mona: Let's get together for pedicures. I'm serious. I can't remember what girls do when they're not being wives or mommas, but I have a theory that it involves expensive pastries and beauty treatments. Are you up for it?

 
At 5/8/09 5:13 AM, Blogger Jo said...

*sigh* I am totally an orange now too. Except I used to be a screwdriver (the drink, not the tool). So I went from an exciting orange-based carefree drink......to a piece of fruit.

Sister. I hear you.

Loud and clear.

 
At 7/8/09 11:39 PM, Blogger Abez said...

Jo: But do you find yourself still wishing you were a screwdriver? (And if so, Phillips of flat)

 
At 8/1/10 4:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

 
At 4/3/10 12:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i absolutely adore your own writing way, very attractive.
don't quit and also keep creating in all honesty , because it simply truly worth to read it.
excited to find out a lot more of your web content, good bye ;)

 
At 14/3/10 4:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good dispatch and this mail helped me alot in my college assignement. Thank you as your information.

 

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